How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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