i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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