The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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