I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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