I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
