I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
