So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
