I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
