Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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