I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
