You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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