my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
