these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
