We're like a lot better than the average bears
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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