I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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