it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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