i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
