from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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