Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize