hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.