I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?