May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.