two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
