We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
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I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.