I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.