Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.