once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?