with your own penis?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As shirtless as possible
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
