I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
