in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think a kid would responsible me up
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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