I think i peed on brittanys purse
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
