omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
