Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
