It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
