I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
