I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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