U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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