She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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