I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
