i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
