Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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