Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
