do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
