He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
