It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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