wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At least life still wants to fuck me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
