Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
