Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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