You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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