apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
