he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am one with the molecules
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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