Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
