if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
