the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
