just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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