he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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