8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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