id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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