Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
