brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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