he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
