Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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