I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
