tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
This is my gift to your gina
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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