i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
