What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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