someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
